When I was a wee boy my grandparents' home was broken into. Actually it was broken into several times but this is the one I remember. I was there when a detective showed up to investigate. He wore a sheepskin jacket. I hadn't seen many of them. But even more impressive was how he was treated. The adults all showed great respect to the detective. This, I decided, was what I wanted to be when I grew up - a man who got respect. Catching bad guys might be interesting too. Sadly, it was not to be. When I left school there was still a minimum height for joining the constabulary and I came up short. Of course, all the adults in that room that day probably wondered how a detective constable could afford a sheepskin coat. I suspect the respect that impressed me was purely superficial. But as a wee boy I was fooled.

Two people were murdered in my neighbourhood within the space of three or four days recently. But if I relied on the state-funded CBC radio news I wouldn't have known. Not a word did I hear about either killing. But I do know from the vapid banter engaged in just before the news bulletins what the presenters' favourite snacks are or whether they prefer cats or dogs. I suppose brainless chatter is cheaper to produce than news. Should I be forced to pay for this via my taxes? The alternative is one of the privately owned radio stations but I can't stomach the constant Looney Right propaganda. If the provincial government announced everyone with a family name ending in a vowel was being fed I to a woodchipper these guys would report it without any questions or an interview with someone who didn't think it was a good idea.

What's the difference between wounded and injured? According to state-funded media in the UK and Canada, the two are interchangeable. But to me, there's a difference. Wounded is what happens to someone when they are hurt as a result of deliberate human violence, most often involving military activity. Bullet wound, shrapnel wound, etc. Injured is when a person gets hurt. Someone suffering physical harm in a car crash or Caribbean storm is injured, not wounded. It's a mainly a question of intent. And why would anyone use the word normalcy when they could say or write normality? Normalcy was a word used by the stupidest US President ever, Warren Harding, because he was unable to find the word normality in a dictionary. And why would a non-American say gotten? That can involve either possession or becoming something. Both ignorant and imprecise. We also already have the word got - far shorter. Using gotten is to indulge the American love of long words. But, seriously, language counts. The BBC was just talking about Northern Ireland being reunited with The Republic of Ireland. Northern Ireland has never been part of The Republic. So how can it be reunited?

On a road bridge near my place is a digital indication board that tells motorists if they are speeding. Most that are speeding slow down on the bridge so that by the time they pass the sign they have dropped below the 50 km/h limit. But I can't see the city council fully embracing this apparently effective method. It is obviously addicted to the revenue from photo radar tickets. Just before the bridge is a corner where the photo radar guys like to set up. There is a tiny sign with the speed limit on it just before the spot. A while back the photo radar guys vanished. I looked and the speed limit sign was bigger. Then they came back. I looked again and the tiny sign was back. I've had two speeding tickets. Both times I had to go back and hunt for the signs. With one a driver would have to ignore the traffic he or she was merging with to see it on the "wrong" side of the road. The other is often masked if there are two buses at the stop. And let's not forget the blindness. The radar trucks like to park next to the pavement in the dark. Imagine as a pedestrian getting a giant size flash bulb able to capture the number plate of a speeding car going off right in the face. But then you try to prove in 15 years' time that your loss of vision was caused by a photo radar unit.

I suspect that when a lot of people think of Shetland, they think of the Up Helly Aa festival in which a replica Viking ship is burned in a Lerwick swing park by a bunch of people in fancy dress. But there is another annual festival. Simmer Dim, the longest day of the year. There have been Simmer Dims when it was easily possible to play golf at midnight. Up Helly Aa used to be pretty much male dominated. Simmer Dim not so much. There was some stuff to do inside Fort Charlotte and then the fun would move to bonfires on the beach. All very relaxed and pleasant. By the way, the real roots of the present day Up Helly Aa only go back to Victorian times. There was a fire festival before that but the local Bourgeoisie didn't approve of it. That was because the old festival could sometimes climax with an unpopular shop keeper's premises in Lerwick getting a blazing barrel of tar through the window.